So many bulletins graze our pc screens daily, ranging from useful info, to cyber excrement. This, to some, may be the former or the latter--I could give less fucks than the abstinent man I presently am, but--in an effort to descend from my lonely Mountain and 'mingle' with my fellow mortals (:-\), I present these thoughts.
I begin this supposition with an inquiry: How important are relationships to us? Importance in the realm of priority/necessity etc.? Can one truly exist in some sense of completeness without the touch of another?
I once believed this could truly be possible, that one might be an island unto themselves. How strange that at 10 years old, I had a feeling my life would be one where solitude is grossly overrepresented. True, I have always had the power to alter this course, but as everyone has experienced, people can truly let you down. Let it be no secret that I...am at times...The Great Asinine. I can be an asshole. Why? Usually in response to or reaction from my disappointment in people. Such disappointments can cause you to lose faith in the collective. To lose faith in the collective is to perhaps nullify all faith in one's self--and how could I assert a complete breakdown of faith in the collective? That would indeed be a dubious position to hold, and a terrible burden to bear.
But honesty must ring clear. I question the necessity for human interaction at times. I seek remedy to this by surrounding myself with a very, VERY SMALL, tightly knit circle of associates, and there is only one who exists in which all of my attention and time would be devoted to unconditionally, yet--even in this do I find myself alone. Have you ever seen a man/woman walking down a road--and your curiosity made you inquire to yourself on the scope of their thoughts? Probably not, because we are existents within a society of consumption--especially self-consumption. To think of others is a rare occasion, and when you do so--perhaps you should mark it in RED on a calender, recording the date and time of such an expression of selflessness.
Digressing...
Seeing one walking--especially alone-- makes me ponder on the possibility of their thoughts. If I am fortunate to gaze with their eyes, I often wonder what pains them. Pain is inescapable in life; we can only hope to never allow ourselves to become consumed by it, for then we risk a most disturbing metamorphosis--into a crippled beast of burden.
But to walk alone in this world in all we do--especially those of us who seek the jewels of Wisdom--is to be alone, even in a world of so many. Whether I am worthy of such enlightenment matters not, in my seeking, however, I have come to know the company of a strange pain--a paradoxical pain. On the one hand, I at times cannot stand to interact with others, because usually people cause me to believe them to be wanton disciples of frivolity. On the other hand, this walk of life can become so over-bearing within the realm of solitude, the search for self-tranquility is temporarily abandoned, and I am overcome with a sort of cabin-fever. Can one be alone too much...?
I believe that we can only grow so far alone, and that beyond this point--our souls need the comfort and company of another--to learn from them, to attain certain insight that is beyond you. I came to this belief in my late teenage years, and just as a child believes in the Klaus of Yuletide, I have held true to this--perhaps in hopes that I would...that I could find Her, and Know Her when found.
I say again...Life and the Fates have a very cruel sense of humor.
(end part2 of reflection.)
