I have found, in this short stint of my existence, it is indeed difficult to see optimism within such a cold place. I am an advocate for the beautiful child within, though my external acts, at times-- appear to stifle my progression and evolution. I am an advocate for the dreamer; the soul who fights to defy the tainted realm of the dreamless. As such, the atrocities I've witnessed in this world have provided ammunition toward my cynicism, perhaps none more sinister than the desertion of love. How often can we find spirits of kin, soul mates connected beyond the seas of space and time?
Today, while speaking with a good friend of mine, he shared something with me, confirming a most sincere fear. There is a saying: "The wisest man[or woman, to be inclusive and egalitarian :-)]-is a lonely man, while a fool holds the company of many..." Wow. "The wisest man is a lonely man, while a fool holds the company of many..." I--in no way am trying to assert myself as a "wiser among most" individual, but I can say with confidence that I am indeed unique.
Since my childhood, I have often felt the days of my life would know the presence of emptiness. I have always, since before my own understanding of my ignorance, considered myself a pursuer of a rare gem--wisdom. Despite any poor grade received, I have always been ever vigilant in my pursuit of wisdom. The mere reason for my being in college is to learn for learning sake, as did the Ancestors of old--within the halls of Timbuktu, and the lands of Kush, Nubia, and Kemet. I cannot say the same for others, for I know not---but with certainty can I affirm my travels in this world have been at far too many instances, lonesome. In our journey, we seek, and deserve companionship. My friend who reminded me of the aforementioned quote, himself has a wife-to-be. What can be said for me? Am I to not know the embrace of that kindred soul? It isn't fair that the last woman I loved--the one who stated ever so blatantly how she no longer loved me a year ago this Easter--though her actions told me many months prior...Is this to be my final visit within the shrine of love? Do any of you know how it feels to hate the fact that you cannot escape loving someone, even though you don't want them back in your life? I miss someone I despise, for the wrong she committed against my heart...
I know what many of you would say, and your words of encouragement would hold merit, but for the wrenching pain in my heart---as a reminder that after all is said and done, I am alone in the end, left to ponder my fate in a world that offers little reprieve from the emptiness of the journey...